pretending these are lyrics

During my free time at work I caught some of my thoughts through this "poem." It started out way simple but turned into something of its own within the 18 minutes I wrote it. I posted it on my FB so if you've read it...skip this part. I was listening to music at the time and these words fit the emotions erupted from the melody...so it might sound less entertaining as a straight up read...but I named it BUFFER ZONE. Btw the * is in reference to Jesus.

to awake when your eyes are already open wide
to ache when your heart is already shattered
to cry when tears are already down your face
to realize that what you've done is nothing like that of whom you thought you were

holding onto something secure only to find that it is floating atop the stormy sea

you see a glimpse of a sparkle
the piercing light through the darkness
of the lighthouse showing where you once were secure
and knowing you can find your way back
only still in hesitation because you cannot be what you once were

there's a dream that dreams of hope
to let the light flitter of possibility arise in your chest
but on the verge of swimming forward you remember loneliness

wanting something you didn't want
and finding that you want it more than before
not knowing if it's just to want or because you are not the same
to see a grey sky grey and a tossing wave toss
not sure if these things are real
what if you tell yourself enough times what you hope for
maybe it will come true

in your head you hear your Lover* say your name
the one who made you whole
and more yourself than anywhere else
so how did you find yourself in this ocean
when the slithering wave upon the beach was soothing
had turned into a squall of emptiness

now the madness has subsided
you hold stronger onto the rocking life buoy
finding satisfaction in remaining there
for a moment's longer rest